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Very few people work alone. Most of you participate in a work environment where you interact with others to get the job done and the quality of that interaction has a direct effect on how you feel about your work, and can even bleed over into how you feel and act at home. I am not advocating that you must be “friends” with everyone at work. What I am talking about is the fact that you do need some form or working relationship with others in your work environment in order to get your job done, possibly advance in terms of promotions, and to basically thrive, not just survive, in that work environment.
You cannot accomplish this by leaving your humanity at the door and taking on robotic forms that just “do the job.” The fact is that you are human and you bring all of that with you to work. With that in mind, this post takes a look at the five key human behaviors or building blocks that I believe you must bring to the workplace in order to truly thrive and ultimately, enjoy your work.
1. Honesty (Integrity)
The first behavior and true foundation for building productive and enjoyable work relationships is honesty, and in a broader sense, integrity. You should be honest in all of your interactions with others at work and expect the same from those you work with. What is at stake is your integrity and if you sacrifice your integrity in the workplace, you will likely find yourself on the fast track to self-destruction at work and an unhappy ending.
Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.” You will get a very positive reaction from others at work when you “deal plainly” – meaning, when you are transparent, open, and honest in the way you deal with people. How do you do this? I believe that there are four fundamental steps you can take:
- Know Yourself – I don’t think there is anything harder for anyone that to accurately assess their own reflection in a mirror (figuratively speaking of course). It is important to know your own strengths, limitations, weaknesses, opportunities for growth, etc., and simply be honest about those when dealing with others at work.
- Be truthful with others – well, speak truthfully, but of course, tactfully if the truth is something that might be painful or perhaps surprise or offend someone.
- Operate with integrity – Integrity is an old word seldom used today. In this context, I am talking about speaking and acting in such a way that you are seen as “consistent” … without confusion about your words and actions.
- Honor others – Start with the presumption that others are equally as valuable as you are, and certainly worthy of civility and respect. I cannot tell you how many times I have seen someone completely sabotage themselves at work by simply dishonoring others through gossip, disrespectful words, or other means that only served to try and make themselves look good.
What gets in the way of honesty and integrity at work? Generally, you will be tempted to be dishonest in situations where your pride might be hurt, where you feel insecure and want to create a more advantageous looking picture for yourself, in situations where greed wins over honesty, where envy gets the best of you, or simply where dishonesty must follow previous dishonesty. In my experience, there is simply no substitute for honesty and nothing more appreciated over the long-term. As you progress in your career, honesty contributes greatly to the trust and respect required to move upward. A lack of integrity always catches up, even with those that burn brightly in the limelight of success for a short time.
2. A Sense of Humor
A second important building block for productive relationships at work is maintaining a practical sense of humor. Of course, I am not talking about getting cheap laughs at the expense of others and certainly not talking about the ability to tell great jokes to entertain. As James Thurber stated, “The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself, but in so doing, he identifies himself with people – that is, people everywhere, not for the purpose of taking them apart, but simply revealing their true nature.”
In other words, a true sense of humor begins with the ability to laugh at yourself, not take yourself too seriously, and in doing so, allowing others to identify with you as they see their own nature and can laugh with you.
There are three things you can keep in mind in regard to bringing humor into the workplace:
- Definitely be able to laugh at yourself – you just can’t take yourself too seriously and you must be able to laugh off certain situations and allow others to laugh with you.
- See and help others see the humor that exists as you face so many challenges together – There are just certain situations that are funny and stopping to laugh and enjoy laughter together provides valuable relief from the grind.
- Stop and enjoy, celebrate, congratulate – make time to have fun celebrating small or large victories, congratulate each other, have a day or two a month where you eat lunch with your team (in or out) and just talk and relax, and if you are a manager, create opportunities like these for those you manage.
Of course, there are some unhealthy forms of humor that should definitely be off limits. Making fun of other people is not funny and is destructive, even if you get a laugh in the moment. Inappropriate humor based on bigotry, racism, sexism, or that is offensive in nature should be avoided. The world may be learning that Tweets and Facebook posts live forever and create a reputation, but keep in mind that in the workplace, the same is true about your behavior and words, and inappropriate humor will definitely follow you and narrow your opportunities.
What gets in the way of humor? Whenever I have met someone that just cannot seem to experience humor at work, the general causes have been related to arrogance (being above others), fear (fearful of looking foolish), a desire to control (a belief that showing a sense of humor lessens their grip on controlling the situation, or just apathy (someone that just doesn’t care to contribute or be part of anything). These people miss the opportunity to bond with others and identify with others in laughter and likely feel far more stress than necessary from their work and from being left out of the fun. Don’t miss out on the fun of working with others. Allow yourself to laugh and enjoy work, and start by knowing how to laugh at yourself.
3. Compassion
Eric Hoffer, a US philosopher, once wrote, “Compassion is the antitoxin of the soul; where there is compassion even the most poisonous impulses remain relatively harmless.” There is tremendous wisdom in that quote that truly recognizes the power of compassion. At work, it is so easy to be cynical of others, to expect too little, to react too quickly to words or actions of others. A great antitoxin for this is indeed, compassion.
I would challenge you to put compassion into action using the following guidelines:
- Listen well and empathize – When you hear words spoken or witness some emotional reaction, stop for a minute and really listen. Try and get beyond that first wave or words or emotions and ask some questions to find out what is really going on. Don’t react first before stopping to contemplate what might be driving the situation. Once you truly know what you are hearing, try and empathize with the other person or persons and then ask them to hear you as well if needed.
- Genuinely care – It helps if you do actually care about others. If you go to work just caring what happens to you, it is going to be hard to connect with others and enjoy a truly productive work environment.
- Share some of yourself – There will be times when the most helpful thing you can do to demonstrate that you understand someone and identify with them is to share something about yourself and your own desires, actions, failures, successes, or thoughts. You may be the example someone needs today, so humbly share a bit of yourself as appropriate.
- Admit your own mistakes – Showing a willingness to admit your own mistakes and shortcomings greatly helps others that may be feeling more vulnerable. They see that you are human, like them, and that you do know what it feels like.
What gets in the way of compassion? Compassion is certainly absent when you are apathetic towards others or simply self-absorbed. I mean, if you are really not concerned about anyone other than yourself you are certainly not going to attempt to show compassion. However, I have found that in many cases, managers or others at work actually lack some of the basic skills required to show compassion (e.g., good listening/communication skills). These can be learned and should certainly be part of any manager training that a company many offer.
4. Positive Attitude
I am sure that many people laugh at the thought of “the power of positive thinking,” but I can only assume that they have only been exposed to that “wishful type of positive thinking” that truly is hollow. You know, the kind of person that says, “I know I will win the lottery this week” … over and over again … believing that this positive repetition of the statement will somehow create the magic that brings that thought to reality. Of course that shallow type of positive thinking is not productive. However, taking a positive approach to your work on a daily basis and finding contentment in what you do, is essential for you to truly be human at work and thrive.
What does this positive attitude at work look like?
- Maintain positive intentions – meaning, start from a position of viewing situations, people, and your work from a positive frame of reference (e.g., what can I do to improve this situation?, what do I like about working with this person?, what is the upside?, how can I move this in a positive direction?).
- If there are negative situations that arise between you and someone else, speak to them directly about the situation with honesty and ask what you and the other person can do to improve the situation.
- Offer solutions, especially when pointing out something that may be negatively impacting the outcome of a project, etc. – in other words, if you bring up a problem, bring up a possible solution.
- Be cooperative with others, not one who makes everything more difficult.
- Although positive, keep it real. You can see reality and still approach the most difficult situations from a positive “will try” or “can do” position.
Quite simply, it is important to walk into work each day with a positive attitude about your work and feeling fully content that you have this position and get to do this work. As we develop and mature as a human being, the normal well-adjusted adult learns that happiness does not exist because of a specific set of circumstances, but rather is a general set of attitudes which enable us to face our circumstances. If you cannot remain positive about what you are doing at work (over the long-term) or do not find contentment in doing that work – you should quit and do something else. Yes, you may need a transition plan, but you should definitely start truly considering what work you can invest in with positive energy.
There is quite a nasty list of reasons that some choose not to stay positive. You might feel like you are the “victim” at work and that everything works against you. You may feel jealous of others and simply not want to cooperate with them and instead pursue your own agenda. You may be ambitious and therefore not offer genuine cooperation, but only the façade of cooperation as you press forward. The list could go on, but you can see that it is easy to make excuses for not staying positive. However, moving down the negative road is a fast ticket to the sideline at work in terms of opportunity and may seriously damage your long-term career.
5. Be Dependable
Benjamin Franklin, at the signing of the Declaration of Independence stated, “We must all hang together or assuredly we will all hang separately.” While work does not compare directly to a revolution, the final building block that will make work a more productive and enjoyable experience for you is to commit to being someone others can count on to follow through – be dependable.
In what ways should others see you as dependable?
- If you say you are going to do something, do it. Saying “no” to giving assistance is much better than saying “yes” and then failing to deliver, leaving someone else in the lurch perhaps.
- When given a direct assignment by your manager, make sure to ask any clarifying questions up front and deliver on time or even early.
- Even if you are struggling to achieve the right results, demonstrate a complete commitment to follow-through and don’t surprise your manager or co-worker with failure at the last minute. Let them know early if the results or progress is going to miss the mark and ask for advice, assistance, or a modification of the goal if appropriately based on the reality of the situation.
You want others to be certain that they can count on you to give every effort in achieving the desired results, that you have the long-term view in mind and will see things through, and that you apply the same effort and ability to produce quality work from start to finish. Every leader quickly learns who they can count on, who really works hard, and who just shows up to work to pass time. Even more importantly, every employee learns which leaders actually follow-through with their commitments. In every work environment there are the people who talk a good game and rarely deliver, and then there are those that always deliver and may or may not talk about it or seek visibility. It will serve you well to start on the side of being dependable, and then allow your work to shine.
There are a variety of inhibitors that may work against you in being fully dependable. You might be lazy. Yes, you might just want to do the “minimal” work required and just get by. Good luck on your long-term work progress. A related weakness might be apathy. That is likely a sign that you are engaged in the wrong profession or just in a transition job as you wait to a job in the field you love. My suggestion, quickly move towards the work where you can fully engage and if this is a transition job, view that job as just as important to make that transitional journey. You might be feeling inadequate in terms of skills or knowledge to be dependable. If this is the case, talk to your manager and evaluate whether you have the skills and knowledge or need additional training or information.
Contributing to Your Work Destiny
I truly believe that these five human behaviors or behavioral building blocks will greatly influence your destiny at work. The good news is that even if you have failed to give these the proper attention in the past, you can start tomorrow and start changing your work destiny through building a work character and ethic that will greatly contribute to your organization and certainly make your work days more enjoyable and productive. If you are a manager, you might even find it helpful to use these five keys to set expectations in terms of what others can expect of you and what you expect of them in order to build a stronger team. Enjoy your work!
